11/15/11

Me: I learned how to paint octopi on the streets. It's a wonder that I wasn't hit by a car. 

My dating pool is full of green water and dead moths. It also smells terrible. 

The Vanilli of Milli Vanilli died of a drug overdose. 

Vanilli coke. 

I feel asleep before I logged out of OKC last night. Honestly, it's a miracle that I'm even able to type this message, because I'm still a log.
 

Harry: I had insomnia last night. I skipped my first class today because I decided that I was so tired I felt like barfing. I'd call myself a log but I feel much too wobbly to consider logginess. 

I don't have a dating pool. Given then choice, I would have a dating sprinkler, because sprinklers are a lot of fun. It would also smell terrible. For some reason.
 

Me: I'm currently in class -- the professor is late. He's in a band, and always comes to class smelling like good times. I don't think he's taken very seriously, which he resents; but when your shirt smells like weed, what do you expect?
 

The rotten part about being a "non-traditional" student such as myself is that I'm forced to learn along side snot-nosed teens fresh from high school. And my tolerance for teen-related banter is low. I wish I could spray them with water bottles each time they do something I don't like. You know, like people do with cats.
 

Harry: I had a similar experience in undergrad. I was 25-26, alongside mostly 18-22 year olds. I found a quick swat with a rolled-up newspaper did the trick. 

Then grad school was great during my first try. I was 26-28. The average age of students was 27. Perfect! 

Now I'm having my second go at grad school. I'm 30. And somehow, in the same school, two years later, the average age is 23 or 24. I feel like I need the newspapers again.
 

Me: Sometimes I think I'm acting like an uptight fuddy duddy who has forgotten what it's like to be young and spirited. 

But then I remember that I'm right, and that they suck. 

I've been in school for many-a-moon, taking only a few classes at a time. What with being a mom 'n all, full-time is a luxury. It'll be worth it, though. The burden of debt and lack of job prospects will never be enough to eclipse my sense of pride in having a degree. 

Actually, that's a lie. Heh.
Harry:  Pshhhh. My best friend has four kids and SHE manages to take classes AND get a full three hours of sleep every night!

Me:  She must not be as lazy as I am.

Harry:  Oh. She's lazy all right. Lazy as a horse.
Harry:  Don't worry, once you have your degree, you will automatically be considered to be non-lazy. Officially. You can even list "non-lazy" on your resume at that point. 

And "didn't go to jail for graffiti."
Harry:  So what are you going to school for? How many kids do you have? How old are they? What prescription are your glasses? What is your best time for swimming a mile? Why Ohio? My dad's side of the family is from Ohio? Why can't I get to bed earlier? What percentage of these sentences so far have actually been questions? Why aren't you a truck driver?

Me:  If your friend is lazy like a horse, does that also mean that she can sleep standing up like a horse? If so, awesome. 

I'm a lazy, surly, horrible woman. I probably deserve to be in jail, truthfully speaking. I would probably thrive there. Make all those bitches *my* bitches. Threaten the security guards with beatings if they don't let me have my smokes. I would quickly rise to the top of the prison hierarchy. Bruce Springsteen will write songs about me. 

Or, I'll just get the crap beaten out of me and raped by a toothbrush the very first night. Yeah, probably that.
Me:  I'm going to school for computer science. I'm an average student, and for that I blame the Internet and not my lack of focus and/or drive. 

I have two kids. 

11 and 8. 

I have no idea. 

0. never 

Because it's easy to spell. 

Your dad's side of the family are horses. 

Aliens. 

9/10 questions were actually questions: 90% 

This is why:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-Pdlxd_rro&feature=related

Harry:  God, I HOPE she can sleep standing. If not, I am sure she'll take it as a personal challenge and try once I mention it to her. 

I have no interesting responses to your answers to my questions. Mostly I am shocked and amazed that you answered them all, and so accurately at that! 

Your reason for not becoming a truck driver is related to the reason why I only drive convertibles in cliff-heavy areas. 

I guess I should be paying attention to this class. Carbon sequestration won't learn itself! 

OK it will but that won't help me on the test.
Harry:  You may be lazy, surly and horrible, but your face is nice.

Me:  My face is nice and it's my best physical attribute. But it all ends once some crazed train bum throws a bean tin full of battery acid on it. Then I'll look like hamburger. And then the train bum will eat it. So enjoy it while it lasts. 

I take advantage of anything to distract me from the mountains of homework I have at any given time. Shiny gadgetry that flash pretty lights when I get messages works like a charm. And I'm just self-centered enough to answer any question that is asked of me. If it's about myself, I mean. Don't ask me anything about like, science and stuff. lolz. 

I wish all schools and colleges were like Bayside High from 'Saved by the Bell'. That show was so, so horrible. 

So horrible.